I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
