Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
