Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
