Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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