I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
