I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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