Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
