i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
