I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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