Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
