you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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