my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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