the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
