I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
