just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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