So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
