Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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