weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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