Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
