every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
