Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
