a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
