i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
