you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How naked do you want me to be?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
