He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sober January is a disaster.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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