Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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