Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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