you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
