Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
