I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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