whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
