I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
