The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
