My room smells like vodka and shame
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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