OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
