Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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