I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
