i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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