Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
