you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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