if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
