Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
