Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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