the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
