I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
