so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
