Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
