My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
