I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
