She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
