is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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