Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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